What causes temper tantrums and how to effectively handle them
What Causes Temper Tantrums?
If you have been a parent for a while chances are you have had to deal with the unpleasantness of tantrums and if you are a brand new parent…..well let’s just say you're in for some fun! Although someone witty said the terrible begins at two I think you may find that for some, terrible stops by a little early.
Well the bad news is that if you have a toddler, a temper tantrum, in some form is inevitable. The good new is there are ways to decrease tantrums and to avoid them altogether.
Your toddler is very new to this world and his inability to express himself leads to the dreaded tantrums. Your toddler may feel the need to have a tantrum because he is tired, irritable, scared or just plan uncomfortable. Remember there are very few people in which he feels secure with so when something or someone is unfamiliar the best way to let you know this may be in the form of a tantrum. Your attention is very important to your toddler and when your attention is elsewhere your toddler may feel insecure. So if you were wondering why he only needs to tell you something when you get on the phone? Now you know.
If you have been a parent for a while chances are you have had to deal with the unpleasantness of tantrums and if you are a brand new parent…..well let’s just say you're in for some fun! Although someone witty said the terrible begins at two I think you may find that for some, terrible stops by a little early.
Well the bad news is that if you have a toddler, a temper tantrum, in some form is inevitable. The good new is there are ways to decrease tantrums and to avoid them altogether.
Your toddler is very new to this world and his inability to express himself leads to the dreaded tantrums. Your toddler may feel the need to have a tantrum because he is tired, irritable, scared or just plan uncomfortable. Remember there are very few people in which he feels secure with so when something or someone is unfamiliar the best way to let you know this may be in the form of a tantrum. Your attention is very important to your toddler and when your attention is elsewhere your toddler may feel insecure. So if you were wondering why he only needs to tell you something when you get on the phone? Now you know.
I know you're thinking yeah, yeah, yeah, get to the good stuff! Okay, okay, but I am a firm believer in the fact that in order to solve a problem we must get to the root of it. It is important you know that although it appears to be nothing wrong with your toddler and that he is just trying to see how quickly he can get on your nerves, there are truly underlining circumstances.
How do you handle a temper tantrum?
Well there are several ways in which a tantrum can be dealt with. The first way which seems simple but not so obvious all the time is avoidance. When you are home create a routine for your toddler. Routine creates security and a sense of control for a toddler. They know what to expect and are comforted in knowing what will happen next. If you have to change the routine talk with your toddler and let them know what will happen and try to make them a part of the changes. If you are going to be out. Try to remember what some of the causes of tantrums are and stray away from the things. Make sure your toddler is still fed at the correct time. A toddler who is used to having lunch at 12:00 may very well make a fuss if he is not fed until one. Brings familiar items from home to occupy your toddler. A toddlers attention span is not very long and an afternoon at a friends may be a little much without adding some sense of comfort.
Another way to handle tantrums when out is to use distractions. If you are shopping at the grocery store,include your toddler. Ask he/she to identify certain foods and praise her for correct answers, allow your toddler to be mommy’s helper and hand you things to put in the basket. Toddlers are easily distracted and many outings can become fun learning experiences.
Sometimes toddlers will feel the need to challenge you and turn it into a battle of the wills. If no is your answer to something be firm and consistent. Do no give in to a tantrum. If your toddler has gotten out of control be prepared to leave a public environment in order to regain control. If at all possible and safe to do so ignore the tantrum as a tantrum is only effective with and audience.
One mom discussed how once at a crowded shopping mall her daughter refused to leave a play area. Unfortunately her only resort was to pick her child up and leave with her kicking and screaming. Once away from the play environment she secured her daughter in the stroller and allowed her to finish her tantrum. She said “I just looked the other way and completely ignored her. Eventually she calmed down and said “Mommy you're not looking at me!” I turned to her and said “ Mommy cant talk to you when you are yelling and screaming. If you want mommy to look at you and talk to you, you have to talk quietly like mommy. She said okay” I then asked her why she was angry. She said “I want to play” I explained I understood she wanted to play but we have to leave now and we will go home and count how many days til we come back. She seemed to accept this and we left. I wanted her to know that her behavior would get no attention from me and that her anger could not be resolved another way. After she calmed down we went home and I discussed with her what she should do when she is angry. I have a really cool book that gives ideas on how children can express their feelings in a healthy way.” Then we counted the days until we could come again and put it on the calendar together.
Try to make your toddler under stand that their actions will bring consequences. A tantrum in the store may result in no dessert after dinner or a favorite movie may be taken away for a week. Whatever your choose make sure that your toddler understands this behavior is unacceptable and will not be tolerated.
Give your toddler alternative ways to express his anger. Such as using his words to express his feelings or counting to ten.
The great thing about toddlers is they love to be affirmed. Usually by reinforcing their good behavior naughty behavior is decreased.
Don't despair, their just little people who want to be understood and loved....Be patient and you will see a independent, mannerable little person unfold as you continue to cultivate good values.
One mom discussed how once at a crowded shopping mall her daughter refused to leave a play area. Unfortunately her only resort was to pick her child up and leave with her kicking and screaming. Once away from the play environment she secured her daughter in the stroller and allowed her to finish her tantrum. She said “I just looked the other way and completely ignored her. Eventually she calmed down and said “Mommy you're not looking at me!” I turned to her and said “ Mommy cant talk to you when you are yelling and screaming. If you want mommy to look at you and talk to you, you have to talk quietly like mommy. She said okay” I then asked her why she was angry. She said “I want to play” I explained I understood she wanted to play but we have to leave now and we will go home and count how many days til we come back. She seemed to accept this and we left. I wanted her to know that her behavior would get no attention from me and that her anger could not be resolved another way. After she calmed down we went home and I discussed with her what she should do when she is angry. I have a really cool book that gives ideas on how children can express their feelings in a healthy way.” Then we counted the days until we could come again and put it on the calendar together.
Try to make your toddler under stand that their actions will bring consequences. A tantrum in the store may result in no dessert after dinner or a favorite movie may be taken away for a week. Whatever your choose make sure that your toddler understands this behavior is unacceptable and will not be tolerated.
Give your toddler alternative ways to express his anger. Such as using his words to express his feelings or counting to ten.
The great thing about toddlers is they love to be affirmed. Usually by reinforcing their good behavior naughty behavior is decreased.
Don't despair, their just little people who want to be understood and loved....Be patient and you will see a independent, mannerable little person unfold as you continue to cultivate good values.
And one day you will look back and laugh....or a least smile.
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